yeah yeah yeah

hey, well tonight i feel kinda strange... i feel like i'm on the brink of a new and wonderful experience of God, yet have to wait... well i'm impatient... so waiting sucks... i don't know where God is leading me right now specifically, but i do know that He has called me back to the salvos... and the way things are looking now i'll be playing drums in a church shortly... which is quite exciting...

yet despite the excitement of new possibilities and getting involved in ministry again, i feel a little disconnected. one thing i have discovered about myself is that i am a relational person. even though i'm quite introverted, and need time to myself, i learn and worship and grow spiritually with others. i need other people to talk to, bounce ideas off and of course pray with.

also i need others to help keep me accountable... cause i can justify almost anything... to myself anyway... so hopefully this church will work out, at least for now and i'll connect with some other people who are like me, desperate for God and real workings of the Holy Spirit in their life.

the thing is, part of me has gotten quite used to not living for God and likes just doing my own thing, being selfish.

on a different note i got the new smashing pumpkins album... it's great, you should check it out... also the new linkin park album is good too... and the new project 86 album... there's lots of great music around...

ok, back to spiritual matters... recently i have realised that i had no love for people who were really different from me. so i've started asking God to change my heart and you know, it's working... i think i'm starting to see people for more than just what they do (or don't do)... so that's a step forward i guess...

also, since i'm in a ranting mood, let me just vent my total and complete frustration with politics... not the kind that runs a county but the kind that happens whenever groups of people get together... like in a church... or office.... as humans we get so caught up with stupid, small minded thinking and forget that life is more than who sits at their desk the most, or who swears the least... i mean really, didn't Jesus actively work against power-plays and the like?

i'm totally sick of it all. my new approach is treat people with respect, even if they don't seem to deserve it, and not join in gossip and slander and jockeying for position... i just want to do the best i can for Jesus, and hopefully help a few people in the process.

ultimately i want my life to have meaning... i guess that's the most important thing to me...

anyway... thanks for listening...

cheers

- sye :)